John Smith and the Philosopher's Watch
by Muffliato
Summary: The Doctor was shocked at the twice-time displaced John, shattering Statute of Secrecy, and interfering Sherlock. He was a bit miffed at Jo for keeping such fantastical brilliance secret, and rather anxious about the blinking Potters, hidden horcrux and locked fob watch. But his main fear? Harkness and Adler joining forces. —PotterWhoLock sequel to 'A Scandal in Baker Street'.


**Summary:** John is twice-time displaced, Sherlock is furious, the Statue of Secrecy is shattering, the Doctor is miffed, the Potters blink too much, Harkness and Adler are soul mates, Mycroft is confused, Jo is plotting…and the horcrux and locked fob watch are out of hiding. This world might burn, but is still so much darker, madder, and better than you could imagine. —The PotterWhoLock sequel to 'A Scandal in Baker Street'.

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**Author's Note:** My dear Cumberbabes (Cumbercookies?), Whovians (NuWho or otherwise), and Potterheads (Merlin, we've got to get a better name), this is the mostly harmless sequel to 'A Scandal In Baker Street'! If you're new to the party I highly suggest you read these fanfics in order. But if you're a stubborn Gryffindor or a genius who refuses to ask for directions (Time Lord or otherwise), here's a rundown of what's happened in our story so far:

The Potters moved into 221c Baker Street, making the 'not-actually-a-zombie-Sherlock' perplexed. Mycroft found and researched magic while dealing with a reporter and groaning at everyone's stupidity. The Aurors and the Yard were confuzzled by a case. Harry obliviated Sherlock while Ginny laughed and Jamie made dragons. Anderson wasn't actually a moron or Moran, but he also wasn't dead, and Moriarty made London go BOOM! Harry and Sherlock, the most wanted men in Britain, struggled to save their loved ones. Sherlock snogged John (who actually _was _like that, thank you very much). But Moriarty was after a larger goal which involved going back in time and 'stealing' the wizarding hero's memories and life. Time went willy-nilly when Anthea was like, "I'm a BAMF!" and took the memories before Moriarty and herself fell through the Veil.

But Anthea wasn't dead or a zombie/inferi, just temporally displaced. So she reappeared fifteen years older, took off her 'notice-me-not' charm, and introduced herself as J.K. Rowling. To which Harry was like, "WTF!?" before deciding Wizarding Britain was highly overrated. Then John wrote a blog about it.

Which is where this comes in. For a certain Time Lord was quite miffed that he missed all the fun. Amy was sympathetic (really, she was), the twice time-displaced John was more potentially-homicidal than understanding, and Rory easily deducted that he was the only sane one left.

The Potters and Holmes are also doing things and freaking out, but that comes later.

**General Disclaimer:** HUGE chunks of this chapter were directly based off of Doctor Who and Donna's timely entrance—so nope, not mine in the least. As for the story overall? Mix Sir Arthur Conan Doyle with a pinch of J.K. Rowling, spice in some Steven Moffat and Benedict Cumberbatch, and stir in an original plot as it boils, making sure not to sue the writer. When the dish is al dente, plop on some TARDIS blue and add a side of jammy dodgers for kicks. _Molte bene!_ Or in other words?

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_"Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed…Something Blue."_ 'Doctor Who'.

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"That isn't a screwdriver."

The Doctor poked his head out from under the TARDIS' console to gaze curiously at his companion. "Course it is."

"No, it's not!" Amy Pond said indignantly, crossing her arms with an increasing edge of stubbornness. Rory Pond (Williams, thank you very much) sat a bit away reading a detective novel, wisely pretending the rising insanity was a few galaxies away. "Screwdrivers are for fixing things."

"This fixes plenty of things. Even better, it's _sonic_." The Eleventh Doctor nodded his head as though this statement ended the discussion.

"That doesn't make any sense!" She cried out. Swinging her arms into the air she knocked out one of the orange doohickeys, causing smoke to thickly unfurl from a suddenly exposed pipe. While Rory jerked in surprise and the Doctor mumbled some technical jargon, Amy jammed the metal back in place. Without missing a beat she went back to the conversation, wafting away the lingering smoke. "What does 'sonic' even mean?"

"For your information," the alien, checking on the pipe, gestured in a vague wave as an ill-attempted emphasis, "the sonic bit refers to its remote hijacking and conjunction of sound-waves to exponentially multiply the kinetic forces that one object gives off to a…no…ther…" he drifted off in realising he'd lost her, "…it's a screwdriver that goes _bzz_ when I need it to do stuff. Yes, exactly!"

"That doesn't explain anything." Amy replied after a moment. Meanwhile—once satisfied that his wife hadn't blown up the ship—Rory turned back to the text with an 'universe-and-outer-soapbubbles-weary' sigh. "Since, oh yeah, your screwdriver doesn't actually screw in stuff! Besides, who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooh, this could be a little more sonic'?"

"You don't even understand what that means!"

"I know enough. Why put so much science-y stuff in a little stick?"

"It's more like a 'wand', actually. Or a rod. A _stick_ is, is…"

"…is _that_." Amy pointed at the screwdriver.

"Uh, guys?" Rory was looking up from his book and eyeing the entranceway uncertainly. The other two didn't hear.

"It's a screwdriver, not a stick! But what, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?"

Rory cautiously straightened up from his seat. "Something strange is happening…that is, stranger than normal…definitely abnormal…"

"It doesn't put up cabinets!" Amy cried back, glaring at the Doctor for disagreeing. "_It doesn't even work on wood!_"

"_It does everything else!_" The Doctor rebutted. "Locks up stuff, unlocks stuff, breaks into MI5, makes a fantastic centrepiece, has a quirky not-so-little noise that goes BOOM! when its signals are crossed with another sonic which, err, I'd never do, course not…"

"DOCTOR!" Rory's shout pierced through the argument. As both gazes shifted to him, he drily pointed towards the TARDIS' doors. "I'm assuming _that_ isn't supposed to happen?"

The unexpected sight was not accompanied by a _bzz_, BOOM, or even a _whirzzwhirzz_. Instead, it was a silent sloping of light and shapes that at first appeared to be a crack in time gone hypernova. But as the Doctor and companions watched in shock, the 'crack' broke into fractured pieces that slowly restructured itself—with the sound of breaking glass—into the form of a vaguely human shape. With a last SNAP! and BANG! the light inverted before rupturing outward, causing the watchers to blink and turn away from the bright blaze.

When they could at last look at the entrance, what met their eyes was a man in a tuxedo. Said humanoid figure returned the gawk before stumbling backwards.

"What?" The Doctor gaped.

The new man, catching his balance, surveyed the room before snapping his attention to the three. "_Who are you?_"

"But…" Rory dimly waved his book at the impossible man, silently proclaiming 'This is impossible? Because of—other dimensions, and Doctor can someone just appear in deep space without even knocking?!' Amy shrugged in response to the unspoken questions. The Doctor was too busy grasping at the disintegration of physics to do anything**.**

The man, meanwhile, was getting more and more irritated. "_Where am I?!_"

"What?" The Doctor said in a most assuredly not-high pitch.

"The hell is this place!" The man stormed, glaring at all of them.

"_What?_" The Doctor flailed, voice slowly coming back to him. "You can't do that. I wasn't. We're in flight. That's physically impossible…err, without Huon particles, that is. _But this can't be happening again! _How did—"

"Tell me where I am." The man said slowly, the dangerous tone to his words not matching his rather harmless appearance. "I demand you tell me right now! Where am I?"

The Doctor sighed, flinging his hands up, giving into whatever new insanity had quite literally materialised. "Inside the TARDIS."

The man blinked. Confusion took victory over anger. "The what?"

"The TARDIS." Rory helpfully repeated before turning to the alien with a narrowed frown. "Doctor…"

"_The what?!_" The man said with more alarm, stumbling back while his gaze rapidly flickered around the console room.

"The TARDIS!" Amy shouted, tired of males and their stupidity (even when highly justifiable). "DOCTOR—"

"The TARDIS, the _DOCTOR?!_ No, _NO_." The man rubbed his eyes. "This can't be happening again. Not bloody now."

"It's called the TARDIS." Rory said superfluously, uncertain about all of this.

"Don't give me that." The man swatted this away with an irritated scowl. "You're just another one copying BBC and—Christ! Today of all days!"

The Doctor frowned at the non-sequitur but focussed on the important thing. "How did you get here?"

"Well, obviously, when you kidnapped me." The man growled. "As if I haven't had enough of that lately. Who was it? Who's paying you? Is it Harry? Lord, she's finally got me back. This has Harry written all over it. Wait, it's not _Harry_ Harry, right? Did Ginny put him up to the prank?"

"Who's Harry? Ginny?" Amy said, coming out of her stunned state. "Why is this Harry person changing genders?"

"Two Harries, both irritating," the man replied with more than a grudge of anger, "which you possibly bloody well know! Oh wait…tell me _Mycroft_ didn't do this. Surely he's not that insane?"

"Hold on, wait a minute." Rory held up his hand (with book attached) to sway the influx of random information. "What are you dressed like that for?"

"I'm going ten pin bowling." The man deadpanned before letting out a frustrated sigh. "Why do you think? I was halfway down the aisle! I was seconds away and then you, I don't know, you drugged me or something! _Because this can't be happening now!_"

"I haven't done anything!" The Doctor protested. "Rassilon, I hate deja vu."

"Or you've confunded me or, or, I don't know!" The man's indignant anger sparked back in. "I'm having the police on you. Half the Yard and a number of the aurors are good friends, so don't think you'll get away with this—this cheap knock-off of a telly set!" He began running down the ramp to the doors.

"No, wait a minute! _Aurors? Telly set?_ Doesn't matter…wait Wait WAIT!" The Doctor, coming out of his stupefaction, raced after him. "_Wait, DON'T!_"

But before he could be stopped, the man opened the door. He looked out at a gaseous nebula, one that bloomed as far as the eye could see.

The Doctor slowed before resting next to him, taking in his gaping expression with understanding. "You're in space. Outer space." The Time Lord said reassuringly, though his mind continued buzzing with the new mystery."This is my space ship. It's called the TARDIS."

"How am I breathing?" The man held out a hand and flicked the calm air.

"The TARDIS is protecting us."

The tuxedoed man slowly turned to the alien, features unreadable. "Who are you? Don't you dare say 'Doctor' or any such nonsense."

The Doctor blinked. "I'm, ah, _the_ Doctor. Not at all arrogant, course not. You?"

"Bloody hell." The man groaned, running a hand back through his hair. "If I'm going through this again, I need tea. Plenty of it." At the Doctor's pointed look he gave another, collapsing sigh. "John."

The Doctor beamed, understanding little of this mad situation but assuming it could be great fun. "Splendid name. Human?"

"Yeah. Is that optional?" John asked dishearteningly, as though he already knew the answer. "So you're an alien."

"Yeah." The Doctor gestured to the cautiously approaching two. "But they're as wonderfully human as they come. John, Amy and Rory Pond."

"Williams." Rory automatically corrected. He stared at the newcomer in suspicion. "John what?"

"Watson." John turned back to the stars before, with a shiver, slowly closed the doors. In doing so he missed the other three give each other significant looks of 'Did you hear that? No, it can't be what we're thinking. No way are we that lucky'. "Tell me you aren't a Time Lord with a Messiah complex?"

Amy stifled a gape, Rory stared between John and his book in confusion, the Doctor's mouth dropped, and the TARDIS _whizzed_ in amusement. But suddenly a grin split the alien's face. "Nope, 'fraid I can't! But please say that you're a friend of Sherlock Holmes and write about his cases in Victorian London? Because that would be utterly fantastic, brilliant, and filled with Geronimo!"

John blinked. "Ah—what? First off, define 'friend'. Second off, _Victorian_ London? Try 2007, mate. Aside from those? Yes, I write the blogs. Have you—are you telling me that _you_ read them? Christ." He swayed slightly as the mad situation hit him, before regaining his balance with a deeply steadying breath. "I'm almost hoping this is a drug-induced hallucination. Wish I could say it's the first time."

Rory frowned down at the cover. "Conan Doyle…?" he muttered, flipping through 'A Scandal In Bohemia' without reading it. In contrast, the Doctor was beyond thrilled.

"Really?" In seconds flat the sonic screwdriver was out and beeping at John, who shifted back uncertainly. "That's, that's _BRILLIANT!_ Not actually though, because having a twice-time-displaced John Watson is sure to have everything go wibbly-wobbly, but _yes!_ I'm such a fan." The Doctor's huge beam was threatening to fall off his face, even while Amy commented that, 'See? That stick never screws in anything!' "So you were transported here before your wedding to Mary?"

The comment snapped John back to the present. His hurry rapidly returned with the reminder. "No, to Sherlock actually. You know what? I don't care what's happening, I really don't. So what if your blue box has an expandable charm on it? I've seen better and I seriously need to get to the church!"

But the three were now watching him with dropped jaws and making no attempt to move.

"_Sherlock?_ But, but you—" Rory weakly gestured at his book, "—him, Adler—"

The Doctor peered at the sonic screwdriver's results in confusion. "How's that possible? Oh, Arty's not going to be pleased…"

A slow grin spread on Amy's face. Out of nowhere she pounded the air with a wild shout. "YES! BROMANCE! That's too perfect! SO ADORABLE!"

"Sure…" John edged away from the crazy people and towards the console, "…look, no offence, but getting lost in time and space is the last thing I need. If you could just get me back to London, May 2007—" but he was abruptly stopped by the sonic screwdriver once again being 'bzzed' in his face.

"I don't understand this and I understand everything." The Doctor muttered, not noticing John's displeasure. "This can't happen! There is no way a human being can lock himself onto the TARDIS and transport himself inside. Err, again. While displacing however many fictional and otherwise timelines! Some sort of subatomic connection? Something in the temporal field? Maybe something pulling you into alignment with the Chronon shell. Maybe something macro mining your DNA within the interior matrix. Maybe a genetic—OW!" For John had angrily slapped the Doctor. The latter shouted indignantly, holding his cheek. "What was that for!?"

"Get me to the church!" John hollered back.

"Right! Fine!" The Time Lord exclaimed, remembering what was going on. "I ought to figure out the larger crack in time and space anyway. Where is this wedding? Any cake to jump out of?"

"Saint Mary's, Hayden Road, London, England, Earth, the Solar System." John said quickly, ignoring the last question and sending a quick glare at the Doctor for good measure. "_So help me if you get us there late!_"

"Bromance…" Amy sighed while Rory, flicking his hand over her eyes, failed to bring her back to reality.

The Doctor rushed to the Console but, just as he was setting her in motion, paused. A strange expression crossed his face. "Expandable charm. Confunded. Aurors. Harry and Ginny…say, John? Hypothetically speaking, have you noticed anything strange or…ah…'magical' lately? Just a thought, mind you—"

Which was when the TARDIS was rocked by an explosion as all the controls went dead.

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**A/N:** Amy would totally be a fangirl. The Doctor would be even worst. No, don't try and tell me otherwise. Plus, this is what happens _before_ Harry Freaking Potter is added in! Those who've read 'A Scandal In Baker Street' know how that particular introduction goes…

Enormous thank yous to the brilliant Bludger1 and my fantastic beta, Spellmugwump97!


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